The great literature of the 20th century is full of disenchantment with the human condition. From Kafka to Koestler, from Camus to Canetti, from Heller to Houllebeq, its heroes - no, its everymen - rail and chafe against the impersonality and alienation of modern life.
But though I scanned their pages full of sympathy and fellow-feeling, usually from within the seams of a charity shop overcoat, nothing has ever filled me with greater boredom and horror than the experience of ordering a new dishwasher cutlery basket from E-spares.
I've nothing against E-spares, a domestic part replacement website which seems to do a terrific job. But oh Jesus. There is a video ("Hi. I'm Matt from E-spares") with bouncy theme music. In it the chap tells you to order the one that's exactly right for your dishwasher if you can, before considering the universal dishwasher basket. I watched all 42 bland seconds of it with my mouth wide open.
That was bad enough. But what's this? When I go to the universal dishwasher basket page I see that a staggering 672 people have written and posted comments about it. Why? On the first page one reads "better then the one i had and better for big familys". I am tempted to scream, to read them all and jump out of the window in equal measure.
Never in all my life have I felt the sheer pointlessness of human existence so keenly. That it should come to this. "Measuring out my life in coffee spoons"? Eliot didn't know the half of it.
